The Sad Reality Behind Our Rom-Com Obsession

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures...

For decades, we have turned to the classic romantic comedy for comfort and familiarity during times of economic hardship and uncertainty. From the COVID-19 pandemic to ongoing political unrest around the world, sometimes we need something warm and fuzzy to offer us what the real world can’t: hope. The hope of a budding romance, the perfect gentleman, a never-ending shopping spree, a dream job, or a life in New York City—these are all classic rom-com fantasies that draw us in and give us permission to dream of the impossible. Maybe that's part of the genre's enduring appeal: when reality feels uncertain, we know exactly where a rom-com is going to take us.

The Unattainable Man

Rom-com films often offer the dream of being chosen by the unattainable man. The idea of being completely understood and seen isn't necessarily a realistic one, but it is an incredibly appealing fantasy. It's less about having a boyfriend and more about the fantasy of being deeply wanted and understood. In real life, women especially can often feel misunderstood, taken for granted, overlooked, or undervalued. Hence the need for some good old-fashioned rom-com relief from reality.

The fantasy isn't completely about the man, but about the principle of being picked from a crowd. If everyone wants the unattainable man, but he only has eyes for her, it creates a sense of being set apart — being special enough to be the exception. She isn't simply the woman who gets the guy; she's the woman the guy chooses above everyone else. And perhaps that is what makes the fantasy so powerful – for a few hours, the rom-com offers the reassurance that someone could see through the crowd and recognize something uniquely special about you, and choose you.

The Devil Wears Prada & Sex and The City

Building on comfort and familiarity, rom-coms offer us the unattainable lifestyle we yearn to achieve. Taking The Devil Wears Prada as a case example, we can see how the ideologies buried beneath the surface of the narrative sell us not just entertainment, but a supposedly ideal lifestyle to strive toward: one of consumerism, aesthetics, high culture, luxury, and success. This ideological lifestyle is one that women, especially, often find themselves drawn toward, even when it may not necessarily equate to all it’s cracked up to be.

The film criticizes the fashion industry's consumerism and toxic work culture, but simultaneously makes that same world incredibly seductive. We see the clothes, the cities, the travel, the offices, the restaurants, the parties, and the status. Even when the story tells us, “this lifestyle comes at a cost,” the visual language tells us, “look how beautiful this world is.” This presents us with an interesting visual culture argument: we may recognize that a lifestyle is problematic, but that doesn't necessarily stop us from wanting it.

And we can't forget Sex and the City, the blueprint for all things lifestyle, couture fashion, luxury, friendship, and romance. The series doesn't simply offer viewers the fantasy of finding love; it offers an entire world to desire. New York City becomes a character in itself, alongside designer fashion, lavish apartments, expensive restaurants, cosmopolitan careers, brunches with friends, and an endless stream of romantic possibilities.

The Dilemma of Female Friendship

A lot of people remember the romance, but female friendships are often an equally important part of the appeal. Rom-coms give us groups of women who shop together, give dating advice, fight, reconcile, celebrate each other, help eachother through heartbreak, and so on. Sometimes, the fantasy of Rom-com film isn't even the relationship, it's having a group of women who will always be there for you. Just as the romantic relationship provides the fantasy of being perfectly understood by a partner, the female friendships provide the fantasy of being perfectly understood by your community.

Female friendships in real life are complex and often difficult to maintain; sometimes involving jealousy, misunderstandings, changing priorities, and distance. Rom-coms bridge this gap, offering a depiction of female friendship where friends always show up and remain by your side. Sex and the City exemplifies this perfectly. While Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha frequently disagree, their friendship remains the stable foundation of their lives. The brunch table becomes a space of comfort, confession, and community. In this sense, the rom-com doesn't just sell us the fantasy of being loved by a romantic partner; it sells us the fantasy of being surrounded by women who will always understand and choose us, too.

The Fantasy of Transformation

Rom-coms sell us much more than the hope of romance and an idealized lifestyle. They also sell us the ideology that we can completely change and transform our lives, that we can simply start over. They tell us we can quit our jobs, uproot our lives and move somewhere new, leave behind relationships or circumstances that no longer serve us, and reinvent ourselves. This adds an element of excitement for viewers who may be yearning for change: those who feel trapped in a stale workplace, stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, or simply dissatisfied with their current circumstances. The fantasy is that one major decision, revelation, or chance encounter can completely alter the trajectory of our lives.

The problem, however, is that real transformation rarely happens this easily. We cannot always quit our jobs, move across the country, or reinvent ourselves on a whim simply because we've had a revelation. Change takes time, money, resources, opportunity, and often a certain degree of social and economic privilege. Our socioeconomic circumstances can significantly determine our access to social mobility and the choices available to us. The rom-com can therefore make radical reinvention appear much more accessible than it actually is.

Ultimately, the rom-com genre offers us something we feel is missing from our real lives. Whether it be the chance to start fresh, the friendship we've always wanted, the lifestyle we dream of, or the feeling of being chosen and truly understood, rom-coms provide an escape into a world where these desires feel attainable. And perhaps that is why, no matter how unrealistic the fantasy may be, we will always come back to the romantic comedy.